I've been reading my first published book once a week (for editing purposes........okay, maybe I'm a bit of a perfectionist). There hasn't been a time that I haven't cried, either during my reading session or after. These are definitely tears of joy. I cant believe I'm holding an actual book that I wrote. But most of all, I am so amazed how God brought me through so many rough patches and now has me positioned in a place where I never saw myself at - it doesn't seem real.
Three years ago, I hit rock bottom. Mentally, I felt like I was stuck in a dark well. There was no ladder for me to escape. I started drowning and became comfortable with darkness, so I told myself to prepare to die there. I was weak, emotionally and physically. I had no energy to even think about how I was going to get out of this deep dark hole. I thank God I had the awareness of needing help and had the capability of reaching out to someone when I did.
Let me tell you, therapy saved my life!
I'm very open about the things that I have gone through and I am grateful that I am finally at a place where I can talk about it without getting a knot in my chest (that took some serious ass healing).
My word for this year is purpose.
The woman I am becoming turns her pain into purpose.
When I hold my book in my hands, I instantly remember myself asking God over and over: why me? Why am I going though this? Why does this always happen to me? Why are you allowing me to hurt like this? Why do I have to be in so much pain?
It's true, we never see the beauty that our pain can produce while we are experiencing those dark moments. But if we did, how else would we grow and blossom? Why else would we be forced to surrender and trust God?
I've learned a lot of the things we go through don't just happen for us, but happen so we can come out better and bless others with our testimonies.
How crazy is that?
God not only uses your pain to save you, but uses it to save other people- if you allow it to.
When you find yourself asking God, "why?" look a little deeper...
When you find yourself surrounded by darkness, look a little deeper.
When your depression is kicking your ass, look a little deeper.
There is a purpose for everything. The good, the bad, the super bad, the ugly, and the hideous. The good news is: you're never alone, God is always there. It's been times where I couldn't feel him there because I was allowing the darkness to cloud my vision and take over my mind.
"To the Woman I Am Becoming" is proof that God never left my side and was always there guiding me and watching over me. That book is proof that God allowed me to go through things to shape me and mold me into who I was born to be. It's proof that all the pain and sadness I endured were ingredients for something beautiful and captivating. There was purpose in my pain, just like there is purpose in yours.
Don't waste your pain. Use it and turn it into purpose. You never know who you could be saving.